Cartoons VS Real-Time

In the years that I've been working in 3D, I've seeded this bizarre expectation in my brain: everything should look realistic. Even when I was working on the entrance portfolio for the RRC course I'm taking, there was this strange vibe that my works always have to reflect on "realism." I understand where this is coming from; all the 3D that's influenced me has some quality of realism.

As of late, I've been pondering, "why the heck would I want to go that far?" while I'm exuberantly content with being a cartoonist. Thinking long-term, I understand we have to do a major studio project for next year - all the works I've seen from 3D have been so catered to realism...but is that really me? What really drives me crazy (in a good way): the realistic graphics that have taken the new Final Fantasy games? Or the adorable cartoony styles of Harvest Moon and Animal Crossing?

When I was a wee lass, I had a town-full of characters that seemed to evolve on their own; their personalities and adventures were bar-none to anything I was supposed to be doing in my life. Why yes, this did affect me academically, although I always kept my head above water and passed all my courses. I graduated on time, with no issues, but this was always my mega-dream. Since 12 years old, I'd decided I wanted nothing more than to see this world someday in it's own television series.

Thinking long-term and in the now, I'm going to take my modeling in the direction of my cartoon style. I see how important it is to gain more knowledge in the 3D field of realism ... but when it comes to "what we want to do," I know my place in the artistic world. Thus, I'm old, I've got the skills and resources at my finger tips. I've no doubt in my mind this is where I want to be.

So to happily rip off Nike for a mo, "just do it." (And bwahaha!! It is three words in the English dictionary!! You cannot sue me!!...) ...

*run*run*run*slam*vroooom*screeeeech* ...

"All I Have to Do...."

I must have said to myself "apocolypse" at some point before going to bed, because the dream I had last night was -- to say the least -- an adventure that I hope never happens in this lifetime.

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It all started out like a regular day; I was in my apartment in the city, cats were hanging around as they usually are, my buddy Jen was over. For reasons unknown, we were just looking out the window. We'd just finished watching news reports about, either, I can't remember - natural disasters happening or some sort of apocalyptic chaos going on around the world - we deducted that clearly, this wouldn't possibly come to our part of the world.

No sooner having said that, what looked to be large meteors rained down on the city; huge fiery orbs of what was in fact the same terror sweeping over the globe.

It was quite vivid, I remember all my feelings and thoughts: I was frightened and naturally, we didn't know what to do. All I knew was that we needed to pack up what little belongings we needed, and decided to head to Jen's home province of Nova Scotia. Greatly afeared for my two cats, I constructed a double backpack device where I could have each of them on my back; the zippers slightly open, to give them air, so they would be safe with me throughout our journey.

With the city, overcome by this chaos, we packed some food as well, and looked at a map of Canada. For some strange reason, we decided that the best way to approach this journey was to travel westward, along the border of Canada -- the only bizarre thing before; on the map, Nova Scotia was on the far-most west wing of the country and the United States border wasn't there at all, beneath us - it was pure ocean.

While journeying through the obstacles of our homeland, it became clear there were demonic creatures looming around the earth. At one point, Jen and I needed to duck beneath (what looked to be an indoor windowsill) to avoid being spotted. These creatures were massive in size; larger than human beings. They had horns atop their heads, and with some, spikes all over their bodies - frightful creatures roamed the earth, searching for what living populace still struggled for absolution amidst the pandemonium afoot.

After having ducked beneath the sill, assurance that the creature was gone was needed prior to moving forward. I peeked up from the depths of safety, to my dismay, the reflection in the glass was distorting my view; I couldn't see at all, and momentarily anxious that what I was looking at - was this creature staring right at me. Luckily, Jen peeked her head above the sill as well, and the creature was long gone; it'd wandered back off into the distance, diametrical to us.

Moving forward, I recall meeting up with a pile of people from my class. With speculating the area we came to was safe, we started building a room - looked as if it were constructed from cubicle walls - we needed a safe area to "work in.." I'm not certain what we planned to do to help rectify the situation, but [Danielle, who is in my class], found the perfect area beside a river where we would set up this shelter. Someone else had pointed out that it was more accurate to her map - that for reasons unknown, had drawn up for the operation - as the small, meadow was positioned close to the river - and across from a herd of - what looked to be deer (?) but these creatures could have also passed for a more docile looking pack that had been roaming the earth.

After having built, what seemed to be, sturdy enough lodging for our operation, we fell into mild anxiety, with the reality of this one wall being quite open - anything could see us if it peered in through the slots.

At some other point, our journey continued on through the ocean, as planned on the original map (Nova Scotia, directionally reversed.)

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By this point, things were starting to become less vivid; instead of watching this from my own eyes, things were becoming blurry in view. There was some obvious conflict; it seemed as though one of us had a device (maybe it was the map), and we traversed through this great body of water, on nothing more than a small raft. Vague memories of encountering a great sea creature; I cannot recall what happened from then on. To my knowledge, I still had my kitties in tow; safely strapped to the McGuiver-like contraption I carried with me - they were safe and (for a change), strangely quite...they weren't meowing, as they often do.

So many vivid emotions throughout the course of our journey -- all I remember is the nurturing instinct to see that the boys were safe. (Lucky for me, it didn't feel like their weight bothered me).

[RD.org - Oct. 24, 2010] - To Sleep, Perchance…

I had the creepiest dream last night! I’ve had quite the full day, so I’d forgotten about it, until this evening. It started out with all the characters from the new Harvest Moon game that I’ve been playing: Grand Bazaar – and I know it was them, because I saw sprite images of the twin children and their mother, being nearly swallowed up in death, on the big get away bus-like vessel.

Chapter One

It seemed as though the entire Harvest Moon cast was running from something, trying to escape from an entity so fierce, it made grown men lose all emotional control within the vessel. Much like the phantom forces in the Final Fantasy movie, this deadly creature swept through the bus in a zig zag pattern, leaving every character in the diagonal opposite seats, perished. To their dismay, there was no way that they could vanquish the terror that lunged after them in the darkness.

At one point, the main character [I believe it was a male], was trying to stay out of sight within this great mansion, while he searched for his lady love. (Again in pixel form…yes, I’m a nerd and I’m proud of it). At one point, he knew that the master of the house had spotted him, as his efforts to vanish quickly up the stairs left him with shoulders sticking out from the stairwell landing. Although, the master of the house did not advance. He did not have to, as he knew that the demonic creature loose on the horizon, would catch up with them eventually.

Unfortunately while in hunt, his lady love was in fact the daughter of the master. With having grown up in the building, he nearly wretched at the thought that he might have to search dozens of rooms until he found her – she has made home of every one.

He could hear her…the soft pattering of his foot steps nearly drown out the sound he sought – he knew she was close, as he continued quietly treading down the halls. It was of the greatest importance that he stayed silent and out of sight – for to protect his master, the wind howled beneath it’s great wings, soaring constantly between the intruders within the castle and the rescue mission drawing nearer, from the speeding bus.

Alas, once the feeling of a lifetime had passed, the hero confronted his lady love, from the cloak of darkness. All her maids had left momentarily, as they spoke.

“You must come with us, fair maiden,” he breathed as his heart furiously raced. “We have no other hope in destroying that foul creature, if you are not a part of our plans.”

She sighed ponderously, as she let her gaze drift towards the chamber window. Light velvet curtains blew gently as the wind seemed to animate the anxiousness in them all. “You do know, kind sir,” she whispered. “The possibility lies in which I may not return. Who then, will carry on the reign in this land?”

A cross look jetted across his brow, as he gently grabbed hold of her wrist. “Milady, this appears to be our only chance of restoring the kingdom…Wouldst thou rather be queen of a ghastly land with no people?
“We have come far to enlist in your services, my dear…one chance doth permit us light unto certain darkness. This yarn I follow, in your foot steps, milady. I will follow you, wherever direction thou wind may blow.”

Her heart ached. Once having unleashed this nightmare creature, certainty lay within her mind, the battle would be as fruitless as trying to stop a freight train using a feather. From having traveled as far as the clan had, more than half of their men, women and children had perished, by the translucent hand of the beast. A fast lesson, it was, for the children who were not able to bury their parents, as their lives depended only on the steady continuation of the journey forward. Not one crew member knew what lied beyond their path. With only a distant feeling in the back of each mind, carelessly whispering confirmation, this would be the longest night of their lives.

"Amidst this grotesque light, it waits..
Solemn anguish wanes from brow–
Unto the hearts, of shortened fates,
Ours are heavy, yet unbowed.

I’ve often frightened dreams, love,
Of whence they float away.
While buried deep in mind, love,
My heart knows, here they lay."

~Jen Dyck

Forget..

Once upon a time, I counted only one - only one of me. So many ideals of me - I tire to think of the many different ways I find to disagree to what is "me."

In this life time, you must make yourself just one promise: that no matter how still the mind, how shallow the breaths they be - whence you sit alone, in a dark room, you add only the prettiest flowers to your chain - be it, the chain, dark or light, you mark a perfectly potent, barely visable, design upon your soul. As they say, "to make no decision, is to decide," itself, would be to ensure that nothing breeds, in fact, many things - whether you're aware of this at the time, or not.

Many things will become a part of you, if you let them in. You must embrace change, be mindful of your instincts - you can accept the answer you do not want, yet cradle the ever ambiguous lessons in your essence, as if they were your own children.

"If my aura had a name, I would call her Missing."

.:What Do You LOVE?!:.

For quite a few years, I've been riding a spiral down the path of experiencing life - more often than not, I have found myself "try" something, and "keep doing it," all because other people were telling me "just how great it was." The more I kept doing that, the years went by, and I woke up one day feeling empty--not just in a sad, desolate way--I absolutely couldn't remember the last time it was that I did something that I absolutely enjoyed doing because I love doing it - for the past few years, I've been getting into different hobbies as a means of making extra money or because someone else thought that this was a great hobby, you should do this, too.

Do you know what apathy means? When I finally woke up from this spiral, I realized I wasn't doing anything I loved; I'd completely jumped off of my path, if you will, and started living through other people's karmic experiences.

Tonight, for peace of mind, I cannot think of a better blog post, than to start listing things that I love - selflessly - not being they make money or help me ignore reality - but things that I truly love:

• my cats
• video games! *currently going through PS1 - Chrono Cross
• computers
• food -especially meal items and simple things like cheese & crackers!
• my mother & my sister
• dolls - when it comes to paper dolls or character sketches, I just adore graphically or manufacture created people!
• miniatures - they say "size doesn't matter" ha - to me, the coolest things in the world are smaller than coin!
• cartoons - whether it's an old favorite or a cutely drawn character online - I love all comics, in all different styles!
• drawing/sketching - at the end of the day, I might not be a Disney-quality-graphic-artist, but I'm the best cartoonist I know! When you can create cute masterpieces from thought, pencil and from out of thin air, there's something truly magnificent about the it - art "just is"
• Learning - I absolutely adore learning new things! . . . *I often wonder if this is why I am pushing myself so hard to get into college?! There are many things a person can learn in life!

That's good enough for tonight :-) I hope to add more very soon as well . . . in the mean time, why not make your own list?

"Make a list of postive aspects. Makes lists of things you love--and never complain about anything. And as you use those things that shine bright and make you feel good as your excuse to give your attention, and be who-you-are, you will tune to who-you-are, and the whole world will begin to transform before your eyes." --Abraham

.:Happy Birthday:.

I recently celebrated my 26th birthday; July 14th actually. As the week went by, family and friends were coming out of the wood-works, wanting to join me in a supper or coffee; just to spend time and visit - to celebrate me as a person. I love my family and friends, that meant a lot to me!

When I was out for supper the evening of the 14th, it occurred to me: in our culture (in Canada), every December 31st, at mid-night, everyone discusses our short-term future goals; more often known as "New Year's Resolutions." Each person is thought to make a sort of "goal" that they'll hope to keep through the new year.

Why not do that on your birthday, to0? It's not only like a small gift to yourself: when you think about it, unless your birthday is on New Year's Day or New Year's Ever Day: your life started on the calendar day that you were born! Every birthday, you are about to embark on another full year of your life -- why not make a resolution that day? :) It can be just for fun, to enlighten one's self or it could be something that you've always wanted to do!

From now on, I'm no longer going to get uptight about sticking with whatever I goal myself to resolve, on the 1st day of January! I've come to realize that the resolutions people do make on the first of January sometimes don't get done through out the year, but they're things we'd like to accomplish, so we make them anyways! Personally, in my circle of friends, we've come up with a new ritual - it's the "What New Year's resolution are you going to break this year" sort of joke! :)

This year, I did grant me a small goal for me for the year of 2009/2010 - because it was on my personal birthday, I wanted that goal to be as good and beneficial for ME as possible! I told myself, that from now on, I will be more kind to me - I won't dwell on my short comings, as much as I will concentrate on all the positive that I *DO* have in my life!

=3 It's your day - make it as fulfilling as you can!

Always remember too: half the fun about making life goals is that you're special enough to appreciate your own self, not only just on your birthday, but with every day of the year! Have fun with it, and when it comes around next, I'd like to wish you a Happy Birthday!